Here’s four stories. My stories. About relationships and money.

"Josh Meets The Temptress" - Photo by Juin Hoo

To give you some context, I consider myself fortunate, although I do not have a fortune.

I grew up in SS2, Petaling Jaya. Both my parents work. I’ve always had a maid when I used to stay with my parents. I got to finish my secondary school education, and further education overseas was an option that my parents could afford. Chose not to go though. You could say I’m comfortably middle class.

Maybe even upper middle class. But we live a humble existence. No one in my family drives a car over RM150,000. No expensive jewellry. Terrace house, not bungalow.

You know, the whole “I once cried because I had no shoes, but then I saw a man with no feet” proverb?

One person once remarked that my family must be doing very well to be able to live in SS2. I found it surprising, because I thought it was “normal” and knew of people that lived in much classier areas. It did help put things in context.

Then again, I know I could do better financially, seeing some of the more wealthy people around me that I see regularly, because I’ve also heard of the counter to that proverb: “I once cried because I had no shoes, but then I saw a man with so many shoes that he had no time to wear them all. Then I cried great heaving sobs until I could no longer walk”.

And yes, although my surname is Lim, I am not related to either Lim Goh Tong or Lim Kok Wing. Here are the stories.

Read from it what you wish, but they are all true.

Story 1: Sex Drives

There was this time, 1-2 years ago. Simple story: Met this girl through a friend, she was pretty damn cute. Her name, demeanour, reminded me of a certain Asian Youtube star who does this really cute makeup tutorials. Things seemed to be going well, we seemed to be hitting things off on the phone, online etc, flirting in the clubs, etc. Then I picked her up for our first date in my car a few days later.

Would I get a dream girl to go with my dream car?

I didn’t see her much after that, not for lack of trying and I didn’t know why.

I was curious, so a few months later I talked to her friend. I found out through a friend that she’s used to dating guys with expensive cars and that “my car was the reason”. It seemed to be a pre-requisite of sorts.

Later on I found out that she was mad that her friend told me the reason (the friend eventually confessed to her that she told me), because it made her sound shallow.

But she did not give any other reason.

For some reason, I met one of her ex-boyfriends recently, a handsome chap, which she left for someone else recently too.

To her credit, she lives in a small place which can be best described as the outskirts of town. It’s far. Perhaps she was looking for a knight in a shiny white expensive car to rescue her from her humble existence. Not a boy in a Proton. I don’t blame her, but it was then easier to forget her given that she’ll judge me based on something like that.

My car, is a humble car la. It runs, it has tires and all windows are intact. And it’ll do for now.

As an entrepreneur, sometimes you have to make a decision that how people perceive you is less important than what you actually have (or will have in future). While the curious side of me wonders what is the minimum effective type of vehicle needed to date her (eg Civic can? Second hand Audi can? Above RM160,000 can?), knowing her reason, made it easier for me to just fuggedaboutit.

Suggested additional reading from this blog: The Mistress, The BMW and The Lesson.

Story 2: Ambition & Skill Of The 3 Ex-Boyfriends

This was her favourite soft toy. His name is Checkers. He is a little dog, not a bear.

5 years ago. I was but a young boy, albiet one with my own business.

She was an advertising account executive, older than me by a bit, a Subang girl, and sometime reality TV star. (There was a precursor to Malaysian Dreamgirl, similiar in concept).

She was also my longest-term ever girlfriend. While the relationship had its up and downs, I think deep down we really did love each other at some point.

She said this to me, which I still remember clearly:

“My first boyfriend, he no ambition but no skill, so I doubted he could go anywhere”.

“My second boyfriend, he had ambition but no skill, and after a while I lost faith”.

“And you, my third boyfriend, the reason I’m with you is because you seem to possess both”.

I remember taking her shopping often enough, but she ended up leaving me for a white expat living in designer condo in KL.

He was very much below her usual standards lookswise (I’ve seen her ex-boyfriends), so it doesn’t take too much to guess the reason why she traded me in for an older, fatter boyfriend.

To her credit, marriage and a “stable guy” was important to her. Last I heard she’s hit 30, not married, but in a relationship. But not with that expat guy.

Story 3: The Career Question From The Girl Across The Table

If you ask stupid questions, sometime buying me a drink helps.

12 years ago. Meeting a girl for the first time. It was at the then Chill Club in Phileo Damansara. Which was pretty happening in it’s day. I remember the conversation went this way, after a few words in:

Girl: So what do you do?
Me: I’m a freelance web designer. (this was true at the time).
Girl: Oh, so you don’t have a steady income?
Me: (I forgot what I said to this…but don’t blame me, hello what would you say to this?)
Girl: “said something, wasn’t too comfortable”

In retrospect, I should have said something like “Oh, so you don’t have any manners?”. But I remember not saying anything in particular, and I remember right after that (to her credit) she bought me a drink. I think she felt guilty for being rude. Especially because she was talking to me from across the table.

But it’s not too hard to see what she was thinking. She seemed interested (perhaps from a physical viewpoint - I used to be a lot fitter okay) - but it was pretty obvious that she was looking for someone with money, from what she inadvertedly blurted out. I didn’t bother asking for her number.

Suggested additional reading from this blog: Ask Josh! How Much Should Dating Cost Nowadays?

Story 4: The New Girl

Dear, I guess I don't need to give you a thousand of these right? :)

I met another girl recently in the past week. I think she’s special. The chemistry was pretty incredible. The way we met and what we discovered about each other seems beyond chance. And I think we’re gonna go out on our first date very soon. She said something to me that really made sense the first time she saw me.

Let’s say that even though she’s young, she’s experienced quite a bit of heartbreak. And despite what she’s been through in the the past, she strikes me as smart, funny and level-headed. She’s not conventionally pretty, but she is beautiful.

Here’s what she said to me:

“I want a rich guy. But I don’t want him to be rich yet when he meets me first”.

“I want to be with him as he grows rich”.

You know what? I can live with that.

Because honey, dammit, I want to be rich too in time as much as you want me to.

And I want to be marry and get old, fat and rich with you, or a girl who thinks like you, dear. Because then, that’ll be worth it.