Everyone could use a hug :)

Today I consoled someone. Someone very important to me that’s helped me a lot. It was the first time I had ever seen her cry. And it was odd, because I’ve always considered her a strong person that’s been through a lot of challenges from birth.

I won’t say why, or who, but basically, she was upset that some of the people she considered friends just weren’t there for her, and didn’t treat her like she felt they used to. She felt alienated and alone, even at a party with a lot of people that she thought she knew. People that she thought she could call her friends.

I’ve told her the following, but perhaps this is worth sharing.

Not all this points reflect particularly well on humanity or my view on it, but I have come to accept a lot of these viewpoints and it has helped me.

Because I don’t need to further wonder why people can be so terrible sometimes, I just accept that they are what they are, and work around it.

As a quote from the movie Alexander goes: “Sometimes to expect the best from everyone is arrogance”

Here’s what I believe to be true. Your opinion may differ, your mileage may vary.

1. Interaction is different in groups than individually. In groups, people feel the need to assert their importance more. Don’t feel too upset or confused if your “friends” who always seemed nice to you seem different in a different social setting (especially one where there are people they need to suck up too. This is closer to their true self, and they are not real friends.
2. Appearances count. As shallow as it is, surface impressions can provoke certain reactions from people or gain certain benefits for you. Be assured that your real friends will love you for who you are, but to cast a wider net isn’t always a bad idea. After all, if you only mixed with non-hypocritical people with good intentions, there wouldn’t be enough people to throw a party, or hang out with.
   
3. As you ascend, so will the people who do not want you to ascend, increase in number. If you are not a threat, if you do not somehow get something that they could have gotten (or that they believe they could have gotten), they will not hate you. John Mayer said something before along this lines “I find it odd that there are so many people who hate me for having dated some particular beautiful women. Like, they believe if I didn’t date those girls, they would have a chance”
   
4. Your “friends” on Facebook, people who are on your blogroll, followers on Twitter may not always be the ones you can truly depend on. Accept the fact that you are interesting enough to follow, but real connections are rare.
5. It is only possible to maintain a finite amount of connections in your lifetime, at any given time. 1-3 close friends. 10 people you could hang out with at least once a month. 100 shallow connections who may go out with you for drinks now and then. 200 people who may attend a group gathering or a party that you invite them too. 500 people who wouldn’t mind being in a photo with you. About 1000 who wouldn’t mind being seen at the same party as you. 20 million who don’t mind being in the same country as you. And about 5 billion who wouldn’t mind breathing the same air as you.
6. The disparity between the people you want to call when you’re feeling upset and the people who will call you when they are feeling upset is not always mutual. Life is like that. Investing an amount of feelings or love towards a person does not always yield equity or reciprocation. In fact, it is usually the opposite in most cases.
7. I forgot where I read this, but it always helps me. “Don’t put too much thought into either acceptance or rejection from someone.” They are after all, just another individual and are not a yardstick of how you should measure yourself.

8. And finally. “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” - Quote from Dr Seuss
   

Good night, and good luck. It’s 4:42 AM, and it’s time to sleep. Another day awaits, with new battles to be fought. Ultimately, the war is not with the low ranking privates who think they are commanders, but the war is internal -  your own assessment of people and how you choose to value, and plan your interactions with them and the assessing the emotions and information that you entrust them with.