We Men Are Pretty Damn Easy, Seriously (Or How to Steal A Man)
Ask Josh!, Sharing October 15th, 2009
So yeah. This is a rather “special edition” of Ask Josh. Seeing that I’m high on champagne, and I was just asked this less than 3 hours ago.
Anyway, some background: The setting is a club in KL. A clubbing friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while was lying on a sofa, flat. She was somewhat conscious, and got up as I approached, to my surprise.
Image from "alexsk" on Flickr
Let’s say that she’s hot, curvy, dressed in a shining dress, and looking better than I’ve ever seen her before.
Anything else would reveal who it is. Which isn’t my intent.
We talked a while earlier. I asked her about her impending marriage. And well, apparently her fiancee wasn’t her fiancee anymore for good reason.
I haven’t seen her in about a year, the last I heard was that she was about to get married. Guess I’ve been pretty outdated.
And well, it seemed that she had moved on, which was good - but well, it wasn’t exactly reciprocal.
She seemed pretty upset. Maybe tipsy. Maybe both. And, uninitiated, she said: “Josh, sit down.”
I sat down beside her on the maroon couch.
“I got something to say. You know Josh, I’ve known you for a while. And I don’t know why, but I have to tell you something. I’m pretty upset, and there’s this guy I like”.
And apparently, the guy was there earlier on at the club.
“I really like him. And we’re good friends. But he’s with someone. And she really doesn’t deserve him!”.
I asked why.
“She’s pretty possessive. And, you know, the worst part is I know the girl. And I was taking care of her as she was drunk”.
“And, she treats him like shit. I was in the toilet with her, and she was slapping him, raising all sorts of fuss….and he even had to apologize to me, saying ‘I’m sorry you had to see that’.”
What I said to her next is probably one of the best, and in a way, worst advice that I’ve given before. Let’s keep in mind that I have never drank this much champagne in one night before. And I am feeling the effects still, as I write this.
This was what I said.
If you’re a woman, pay special attention. If you’re a man, nod your head silently as you acknowledge the simple truth. Either way, leave a comment if you think this is true.
I decided to reveal to her the secret of men:
“We’re pretty damn simple, seriously. ”
Since the lady sounded like quite the bitch, oh well. Let’s help her steal him, shall we? Said I to myself.
So I told her: You know what? Let me tell you something.
Men are not complex creatures. We do not necessarily dwell on emotions, and to tell the truth, we can be very easily confused.
Take him out, have a night out. You’re good friends, it shouldn’t be a problem.
Put it this way. He’s probably been with her for a while. And you know what? She’s the nagging “wife”. You’re the available and attractive “mistress”. You’re the friend he’s going to complain to about her. And as long as you’re simply there, you have the advantage of being the one that he can approach without stress, to be understood, to be there for him.
Here’s the evil part.
Get him out. Get him tipsy. Get him to down a few shots.
And when you’re dancing on the floor, or lounging next to each other, as you’re whispering in his ear…blow into it. Grab him. Lick. Kiss him. Have your way with him. Anything after that is up to your imagination, and accommodation available to do whatever you have in mind.
And whether in the next few seconds, or the morning after, the sheer physical sensation of something, pleasant, new and unexpected is going to leave him confused about his feelings for her - and a little more sure about his feelings for you.
Remember you’re the “mistress”, not the “wife.” You have the advantage.
And, well, we’re men. We don’t need fucking flowers. Or a heartfelt confession or a love note. It’s really easier than that. Have your way with him, and he’s not going to push you away. Because you’re not ugly, and he’s not complex.
So, I left it at that, for the time being. She had to go over to the next club with her friends. I wonder if she’s going to win. Now that she knows the secret, I think she can. And well, loyal readers - I’ll keep you updated if she does.
Meantime, female readers, feel free to use this insight to have your way with someone you want.
It’s 2009. It’s okay for you to be that into him, or make the first move.
If you’re a feminist, think about it as equal rights. If you’re a classic passive type, think of it as trying something different that just might work.
It’s prime time for new relationships. It is October after all. The period before Christmas, before New Year, before Valentine’s, before Chinese New Year. It’s hookup season. Breakup season starts in March - quarter 2, after the novelty and pressure of Valentine’s is gone, after the festivities have passed.
Happy hunting, females of Kuala Lumpur. Displace some bitches for me, will ya? Cheers!
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Ohh… I love this piece! So well written ;p
Ya man, she should go all out for him. After all, they aren’t married anyways!
Save a poor nice guy from being tortured and give him some happiness should we?
I know I would.
Ha!
I will hunt you down and make sure you suffer if “This technique” doesn’t work! Lol. Jks.
Anyway, as you’ve mentioned, men are not complex creatures.
Unfortunately, female are. We THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK and then DECIDE but then change our mind and then THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK again. We think about other people’s feeling, think about our feelings, even think about what the waitress in the restaurant thinks about her! [Ok, I couldn't care less about this one].
Well, point is, I don’t think many girls would go about snagging this boy how ever much feelings there is towards em. Simply becoz we don’t wanna be the “Bitch of the day” and we “consider” other people’s
feelings.
xoxo
Good points sir, but what does it say about men who give in so easily to feminine wiles?
Josh.
This is the best post I’ve read in 9 months.
Excellent
Nicely written Josh. I liked the part when you mentioned “as you’re whispering in his ear…blow into it. Grab him. Lick. Kiss him. Have your way with him”, it will really gets things going .. LOL. Good luck to your friend too
@thenomadGourmand: Great to know you like it. I know right. This case a bit extreme…domestic abuse wei - her slapping him around in a toilet is pretty bad
@Mizz Sharon: Try and see. Sometimes the fear of being judged or retribution can be overcome if the desire to have the partner is strong enough. You do make a good point - most females would take this slowly, or not move at all. But the possibility of him being conveniently single, breaking up cleanly with the girlfriend and then being available for you is…rare. Most relationships start and end in some sort of overlap.
@Steph: It means that they are simply, normal heterosexual males.
In your case though, I think you should be able to easily outdo your competition should they employ similiar wiley feminine tactics. Model, creative, and you play video games. What more could a guy ask for? lol.
@clarisseteagen: Thanks, I hope you can put it to good use, or your friends can! 9 months is a long time, enough to have a baby. Haha!
@BlurryLeo: I know, its so simple to turn guys on. Don’t know how some girls can’t figure it out. Haha!
The following comment is from Melissa a friend on mine that originally commented on my Facebook link to this post.
“Well written piece josh - but its not saying much for a man that chooses to stay in an unhappy relationship until something better comes along, nor does it speak well for the fact that perhaps, he doesn’t know when he’s crossed the line either. As for the girl, even if she wins, who is to stop her from losing him to someone else that tries the same tricks on him?
Or perhaps, as a woman, I myself am just over thinking this simple advice :p”
And my response to that was:
Thanks for the feedback. Mind if I post it on my blog, as I think it adds quite a bit to the discussion? (w/o yr name if you like). Or if you can post a comment there even better.
There are few people that will have the honesty (or strength) to leave an unhappy relationship without finding something else first. Not sure what you mean about the guy crossing the line? As in cheating?
The second part though…well, that depends on how karma works on you. … Read More
Two ways - either he gets stolen by someone else, eventually like how you did it, OR since you’re genuinely a better person, you win with no retribution since you are a better person for him (assuming the other party is undeserving for various reason).
Another thing to think about - assuming your ability to attract/seduce is high, it may not necessarily mean that you will find yourself always competing with people just as dangerous as yourself. Hehe!
But either way, as the female you get the chance to know how it will work out.
Hehe. Guess you should be happy you don’t need to worry about this anymore, you happily married woman you
It’s funny how things work out eh? 
And Melissa’s response was:
“No issues with re-posting. Well am sure it will open up an interesting discussion on the female/male friends/more than friends relationship. As dynamic as it is, at the end of the day - lets hope we all operate on good sense, try and take the moral high ground, and work on trying to screw over as few people as possible in getting what we want in life :p Because as we all like to say, karma is a b*tch. And also, que sera, sera.”
This post is so straight forward! I like it!
A guy once told me it is easy to court a man, just more tender care and the man will be in the woman’s hand.
But to steal a man with your-way-described-as-above, it is only good for a short term relationship. Get the man in Oct and lost it in March, maybe that’s why there is the song called ‘Wakes me up when September ends.’
nice post man. favourite it as well.
Oh ya, One thing. Maybe your “We’re pretty damn simple, seriously. ” only applied to you. Not on other mens out there. and also not all chicks dare to do that for a guy she likes.
Analysis causes paralysis. Just do it. Don’t think too much!!
Good one.
18SX I DOWAN SEE! Why you ask me to read!!! *slaps Josh*
@Josh Human beings are simple most of the time. It’s all about perception of value. When you don’t have to work hard for it, it means less. On this note, that is perhaps why some women like bad boys but that’s a whole other can of worms
wow.. very good insight. it works actually.. yes u got it right; i tried before. but i think this tactic only works for certain men and certain women.
i think women should just stop thinking and just do it. it works because that way we screw up less. the more we think the more screw up it’ll be.
no harm taking risk. what do we have got to lose right?
nice piece. i like!
I might just try again on this certain someone when i finally do get to meet him
great if men want a whore. i believe men want more than that, we want a hot chick yet a dignified woman. “a lady on the streets, but a freak in the bed”. if a girl can do that to you, she can do it to any other guy.
and you will become… the “mistress” instead.
there are too many ‘cheap’ girls these days.. =P
Normally guys will fall into ‘cheap gals’…thats the ugly truth…
oh.. love this piece. im so with u josh. advice for the beginning.. the rest of the relationship depends on how well of being managed. im pretty sure if she just proves herself later on(as in a commited loyal r’ship), it will last. otherwise, there’s nothing to lose(other then a broken heart), alot in gain(experiences) and feelings+questions+answers revealed.
truely, i’l use it if i come across a situation like this, but i’l probably take it slow with the “Grab him. Lick. Kiss him. Have your way with him. ” part. Hahaha.
Read your piece in the office. LOL.
I agree that no doubt any girl/women can get a guy by playing the “mistress” role.
But unlike men who preferably stays for the fun and runs when things get complicated, women tend to want commitment, and a future together.
I wouldn’t agree that this is the best advice you could’ve given your friend, coz from my experience (and trust me, I have more than plenty), the guy would definitely succumb to your friend and somehow develop feelings for her. Oh he’ll admit it and do all sorts of thing for you, but in the end of the day, he will still be running back to the “wife”.
Reasons? She’s a rotten GF and he’s still with her despite everything and all the complaints there might be. It already proves that he has a more superior reason (GOD knows what) for staying on with her instead of just breaking up. Don’t tell me that the pitiful guy only knows one attractive lady (your friend) among his network? If he’s ready to jump off the mother ship, he would’ve done it long time ago.
My advice to your friend: Have a fling with him, spend his money, use him whatever way you want, but don’t put too much hope on him.
My 2 cents. =p
*p/s: don’t drink so much, mana tau you might get raped by some lady you don’t even wanna look at. LOL.
Interesting “drama”, but unethical values. Ladies, if the Man you like could fall for a “mistress” (ie you), and eventually gets hooked up with you; What makes you think he wouldn’t fall for another “mistress” while engaged to you? Something to ponder eh?!
Trust me, man of such are weak and insecure man with no guts! If you have a problem with your relationship, tell it to HER! Why wash dirty linens in the public? If things don’t work out, then just go separate ways.
Steal the guy away but don’t expect it to last that long. If he ends up with you, just remember that if he can do that to that girl, he can do it to you too. I agree with you though, some guys are pretty damn simple. But when they are that damn simple unless they can keep the girl interested, she would just leave after awhile. Of course, it all depends on what type of guy and what type of girl though.
haha! very insightful!
i agree with that Eugene Lee dude and yomi.
=)