The first question ever for the Ask Josh blog advice column has been submitted, and here it is!

Dear Josh,

What do I do if I find out that I’m losing sexual interest in my gf?
While she keeps coming on for me?

Yours, Desireless Dude in Damansara

Josh responds:

Sigh, of course the first question HAS to be about sex. Anyway:

I bet you're as sexy as these guys. No wonder your girlfriend cannot resist you.

First, let me say that this seems to be a rather uncommon problem, but not an impossible one.

And for most couples, it’s the other way around. Also, quite a lot of guys are probably jealous of you.

But anyway, there are a few things that can be done. To narrow down the scope a little, I’m going to assume a few things to answer your question:

1. You intend to fulfill your duties as a boyfriend, and give her the badabing badabang that she deserves.
2. You intend to continue in the relationship.
3. You’re not allowed to get her female friends to join in.
4. You do not intend to ‘outsource’ your duties.
5. You’re not comfortable with the idea of her finding it elsewhere.
6. You do not have erectile disfunction, and it’s a mental thing.
7. I’m also assuming that she hasn’t suddenly become unattractive (eg gained lots of weight or doesn’t dress up anymore), but rather that your disinterest is the byproduct of a long term relationship.

There are a few things you can do as a couple:

For her to read:

Holly Jean, a fellow blogger has some good advice on how you can get your man started. This should be recommended reading for all females. It’s not your fault that your man is not turned on, but you can up the chance by:

• ‘Granny panties’ are a no-no. Put in some effort.
• Don’t expect him to be turned on immediately.
• Shouting ‘get it up! get it up!’ won’t work, and has the opposite effect. Be patient.
• Lick his ear.

Now, for you two to discuss as a couple:

Have you talked with your girlfriend what turns you on?

• Try it in the morning. It’s possible that by the end of the day you’re just too tired. And well, ‘morning wood‘ is a common thing, so you’re already like prepared.
• Variate. Without elaborating, let’s just say there’s more than one way to do it la.
• What I like to call, buffet style. Since she’s ‘always on’, ask her to give this a try: You just lay yourself out, and she helps herself to what’s there.
• Eliminate or enhance senses: Have you tried it in a sauna, a freezing air conditioned room, or totally blindfolded?
• Set a time limit: Ever wondered what you can do in 10 minutes? Set an egg timer or an alarm, and try to finish before time runs out! You know what they say about work - you can’t get it done unless you set a deadline.
• Roleplay: Have you ever considered this - you and your girlfriend go out in seperate cars, meet at some club, pretend it’s the first time you’re meeting each other, and then take her home as if it’s a one night stand? *

* I have tried this. It went very well, but at the end of the night she was tired and just went to sleep, destroying the point of the whole damn exercise. Sigh.

And for you:

Although this picture makes it harder, keep in mind the first tip. You must resist. Save it for when it counts.

Let’s just say that basically for men it’s a bit harder la - you must be ‘activated’ in order for the intercourse to happen. Here are a few tips to make sure you can stand up and be a man when it counts:

• Don’t self service. Really. While semen is like saliva (it won’t run out, did you know?), you’re less likely to be able to perform with a partner if you keep doing solo performances.
• Exercise. Improve your bloodflow. If you can’t find the time to exercise, fun physical activities like paintball, or capoeira, or futsal may work out well for you.
• Remember. Think back to a time when you were really turned on, and why, and recall it when you need to. Was it the situation? Were her parents in the next room? Was it her smell?
• Lastly - if you still just can’t get it up, there’s no reason why she should be left hanging. Just do what you can (be imaginative) and make sure she’s taken care of. Even if it takes you longer that way. Do it well enough, and she won’t mind that she’s not getting ‘full service’. Be a man, and do the right thing!

Desireless Dude in Damansara…hope this helps!

Blog readers, if you have any tips to contribute, feel free to add it in the comments.

Yours advicingly,

Josh.

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