Another question comes in for Ask Josh, from another guy. I thought you girls were the emo ones?

Dear Josh,

'After buying the bag, I think we need to find somewhere cheaper to eat...how ar?' Photo from photographi_esc on Flickr

I’m a 24 year old male that has recently broken up with with my live-in girlfriend after 5 years. There’s no way I can get back with her (I’ve tried, that is too long a story). Anyway, I recently started dating again. I know there’s plenty more to ask about starting again, but here’s the first question - how much should dating cost nowadays? Need to start budgeting as I’m earning a basic salary (about RM2500). I realize it sounds like a stupid question, but all I used to do last time was hang out around the house watching DVDs with my girl, and we didn’t really go out a lot. What do girls expect? I assume as the guy I’m supposed to pay right? I live in the Klang Valley, Malaysia.

Regards, NIHTWDAB

(Now I have To Watch DVDs Alone Boy)

Josh responds:

Thanks for a rather interesting question. Most people would worry about the emotional baggage from the previous relationship, and how to move on. It appears you have that sorted, and you are a pragmatic person who realizes that these are damn sucky economic times, so I will move on.

I’m probably going to cover the middle ground. There are too many variables: from shallow golddigging bitch with her own money but doesn’t want to spend it, to middle-class well-adjusted girl who pays half the time, to wealthy and generous girl who doesn’t mind splitting from time to time, to sugar mummy who spends on you.

Thanks to all the experienced daters of women (from the played to the players) who shared their thoughts with me on this. Having heard your stories - I hope you meet better girls.

Your petrol cost: (RM10-RM40)

Girls reading this will probably think: Damn kiamsap right? Have to think of how much you have to spend on petrol just to go see her! How can! You stingy bastard!

Actually, it is a valid cost. Especially valid if it she stays very far away.

Given that your girlfriend used to stay with you, and you did nothing but watch DVDs, you had no petrol cost. That is about to change.Whether she lives in Cheras or Subang Jaya, Balakong or Damansara Heights makes a difference, relative to where you stay.

I used to date a girl in Balakong. We met under odd circumstance. It was a one and a half hour drive each time to go to her place from PJ. That’s probably about RM25-RM30 of petrol per back and forth trip by today’s prices. I must have spent close to RM1000 on petrol just on her. She was worth the drive, and we went out many times, but eventually broke my heart. But that’s a story for another time.

Pro-tip:
“You can reduce your petrol costs by driving at a moderate speed, not braking suddenly, and checking your tires! Or you can pick up girls around your condo…”

Communication: (RM20-RM300)

Not only are you going out with her from time to time, but I assume you also have to sweet talk her and tell her she very pretty.

I’m assuming your girlfriend is within driving distance, so it’s not going to be a significant cost.

But if she’s in Singapore, then expensive la. There are too many variables, but here’s some tips:

• If you’ve been calling her a lot, put her number on your Activ5/8Pax/Friends & Family plan.
• It’s cheaper to call from mobile to mobile than house line to mobile.
• Webcam and chat on MSN and Skype is actually more fun.

Pro-tip:
“If she doesn’t want to talk to you, you save money on your handphone bills!”

Food: (RM10-RM500)

Breaking down your food options, prices are quoted for two people, assuming you’re paying for her.

An easy way is to ask: What kind of food do you like? If she shy shy and say anything also can…to avoid looking like a cheapskate, go by approximation: The kind of restaurants that are closest to where she stays. For example, Damansara Heights has quite a bit of fine dining place, and Cheras has more hawker restaurants. If you don’t know, perhaps you can scale it by the kind of car she drives.

Hawker/Mamak/’Neu Kopitam’/Coffee: RM10-Rm25 (roadside stalls, Old Town White Coffee, The Chicken Rice Shop, Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Gloria Jeans)
Fast food: RM25-RM40 (Malls: McD, KFC, A&W, Yoshinoya, Carl’s Jr, Kenny Rogers, etc)
Casual Dining: RM30-RM120 (Malls: Sushi Groove, Tony Roma’s, Chili’s, Delicious, Kim Gary,  etc)
Fine Dining: RM120-RM500 (Bangsar, Hartamas, KL: Seven Ate Nine, La Fite, El Cerdo)

Good food need not be expensive. Try to find lesser known choices that are good. This one you have to search around by yourself first. For example, in Sunway Pyramid Sushi Zanmai is tons better tasting and value for money than Zen even though it costs less, and they are walking distance from each other.

Pro-tip: If you really have no money, one of the more ‘experienced’ people I know suggests this: Ask her to eat first la. Go for coffee only lor.

Entertainment & Activities (RM50-RM150)

Because you have do something else before making out right?

Light Sports: (RM10-RM40): Bowling, Arcade, Batting, Archery, Pool, Snooker
Visual/Auditory: (RM10-RM80): Movie, Theatre Play, Philharmonic Orchestra
Exploratory: (RM5-Rm25): Aquaria, Planetarium, Petrosains

But seriously, when was the last time you took a girl to Petrosains for a date? Actually, it might be an interesting idea…I know of one guy who told me he made out in a planetarium, and another couple who got caught making out in Petrosains. WTF, in Petrosains! You’re supposed to be learning about the wonders of science, not of each other!

Pro-tip:
“There are security cameras in Petrosains, LRT lifts, and most major shopping complexes”.

Shopping (RM25-RM wtf)

Is she a shopper? I hope not…

Whatever you do…don’t get stuck with this: A trick I’ve heard before. The girl buys a whole bunch of stuff, puts it at the counter, then she says she has to go to the toilet. After that she calls you and she says she’s at another shop, just come over. The unspoken request she is saying: Pay for my stuff, then meet me there. This has actually happened from a story related to me, but not to me.

Assuming she asks you to buy a reasonable amount of items (and not assuming reasonable prices)

Phew: (RM25-RM150) Giordano, U2, Bossini, Hang Ten, Padini
Okay la: (RM150-RM500) Miss Selfridge, Topshop, Dorothy Perkins, Forever 21, Zara
Wah-lau: (RM300-RM500) Calvin Klein, Guess, Armani Exchange
Can Die Wei (RM500 - RM wtf) Fendi, Gucci, Prada,Coach, Juicy Couture, BCBG Max Azria, Zang Toi

Pro-tip: “Don’t buy expensive jewellry on a first date. Unless she’s a prostitute, or you’re a Datuk. Or both.”

Misc Costs (RM5-RM100-RM whatever)

This can include stuff such as water/drinks, parking, toll, condoms, abortion pills (if you forget to buy condoms), or even, being disowned by your family and beaten up by her dad (if you forget the last two items before this one).

Conclusion:

So, the cost of a date in the Klang Valley is…anywhere from RM50-RM500 per date. Multiply by the number of times you go out per month.

Okay la. Assuming you even manage to get it down to RM75-RM100 a date - going out an average 6 times a month would set you back…RM450-RM600. Yes, that’s roughly your petrol cost + your handphone bill per month.

You should allocate about a quarter, to half of your monthly salary. I suggest you get a credit card, a friendly Ah Long, or a better job, or a sugar mummy. I know it’s ridiculous, but so is the whole concept of dating.

At the end of the day, everything has a cost - it’s just whether it’s payable in paper bills…or through the tears and sorrow of a broken heart and endless regrets. May you lose more money than dignity!

Good luck!

Reader feedback: So, what do you think?

This is for the girls to answer: Is it the guy’s responsibility to foot the bill? How often on average (say, out of 10 dates) do you pay for stuff? How much does your boyfriend spend on you per month? (Tip: Try this - try to guess first…then later on ask him for his answer. Let us know BOTH figures). How long have you been dating?

Guys: Is this sadly so damn true? How much do you spend…and does she appreciate it? How long have you been dating?

Update, based on reader feedback:

DATING, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG: Josh.my does not recommend the following: ‘my boyfriend always calculates verbally how much money he spends on an average date with me.’ Wah lau.

Rather, the correct way to do it is to either keep a mental tally, or an account ledger. Only bring it up if she mentions ‘How come you never buy me stuff?’. That’s how it’s done la.

Tags: askjosh